So my son had a bully in school. I took an unconventional approach because I had a gut feeling I knew what was wrong but needed my eyes on the situation to figure out the fix. So I invited my son’s bully to my son’s birthday party. My son thought I was crazy, but I had a solid suspicion I was right.
My son’s bully was not only a child of a broken home (1 semester in Iowa, 1 semester in New York City) but he was never told no by his adults. So during our trip to the black light mini golf, his mother told me if I have ANY PROBLEMS call her. As a parent of a child with bipolar which manifests as ADHD in early years, I was pretty well prepared for anything he would do.
About 5 minutes in, the rest of the boys started playing and he was already separated from them because they did not get along, like I said, bully. So I started playing golf with him. And he was erratic with the stick, swinging, nearly hitting me or others. So instead of getting frustrated I asked him why he did that because he almost hurt me. He suddenly realized why it was bad and started calming down. After about 10-20 minutes of playing in a more healthy way the rest of the boys asked him to come join them.
By the time we were done, the child’s mom showed up worried I lost her number. I explained they had a good time and everything was fine. She was shocked because she always had to come get him before. I explained, sure he was a bit rambunctious at first but we talked and once he relaxed he had a great time. I’ve never seen a mom so nerve wracked before or after that day.
Now were life long friends made, no, did the bullying stop, yes. So I’m not saying it will work, but what I’m saying is, a child bullying may have less consistent parental guidance and their home life may not be as calm or healthy as yours.
Having compassion and teaching your child how to spot this negative home life impact at an early age can help them learn to navigate these issues in their adult years, because this is a skill commonly used by people who are personnel managers.
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